Dating an alcoholic
Dating an alcoholic - dating on maui
Rather than nurturing their child’s sense of self, these parents used their child to attempt to uplift their own vulnerable ego. Ideally, every baby born into this world is surrounded by unselfish, patient love and nurturing from at least one or two parents.
Just like anyone (adult child, or not), if someone has issues that are unresolved, the relationship will be used, in some fashion, to process the issues.
We Have a Soft Core, But a Steel Wrapper We are extremely sensitive people and we are very sensitive to other people–all people, including strangers. The problem is, we often forget to honor our own feelings because we make the mistake of prioritizing the feelings of others first way too often.
Yet, because we were raised in chaotic environments in which we had to be ready at any moment for a family battle, our sensitivity is hidden in a hard-to-get-at steel wrapper. Once we know someone, we always have their best interest in mind, and will defend them against all harm to the full extent of our abilities.
Trust is Difficult for Us This is one of those “it’s not you, it’s me” deals. That’s not because you’re not trustworthy, by the way (though if your self-esteem is low, you may make the mistake of thinking our trust issues are about you).
It’s because we grew up in such unstable, inconsistent environments–we were, essentially, trained not to trust.
(Years ago, my father yelled at me, “There is no safety in the world, and no one deserves safety from this world.”) If you were to evaluate us based solely on our upbringing, you’d come to the conclusion that we were raised for battle–to be on-edge and ‘ready’ at all times for chaos to break.
We had, and many of us still have, a lot more cortisol (the stress chemical) running through our bodies as children than all other kids.As the years go on, the baby raised in a stressful, inconsistent home environment develops a battle-ready Fight or Flight response, does not develop the natural ability to trust, and thrives on chaos simply because it’s so familiar.When the child’s parent is alcoholic and self-centered, the child never gets help processing their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences–so they learn to ignore themselves and focus on the needs of others instead, as they were trained to do.However, the degree of alcoholic fermentation is low and alcohol content varies between 2 and 6%. I receive a lot of emails from people who are in a relationship with an adult child of alcoholics.Therefore, the basic production method is the same, but the tastes may vary.